my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
