you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
