Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
