This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
