It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
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