GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
