We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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