I'm going to jail i love you
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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