He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
