She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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