she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
