after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
