after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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