There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
