Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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