So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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