Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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