Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The air was thick with penises
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
