there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
