that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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