Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
