pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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