dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She's like a pop up book from hell.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
