Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
