Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
