I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
