hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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