I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
