i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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