He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
