my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
