She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
