i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
