I wish i was in the wii world.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
