i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
