The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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