i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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