Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
