Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
