paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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