i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
