i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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