i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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