You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
