can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize