it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
