I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
