She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
