just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
