just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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