I hate all girls vehemently.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
