I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
