Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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