im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
