Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
