I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
What a dumb baby whore.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
