His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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