Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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