I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
